vineri, 1 ianuarie 2010

Cea mai stanjenitoare prima intalnire.

I-am promis Liei ca o sa public aceasta poveste, cica autentica, difuzata la emisiunea lui Jay Leno unde a castigat premiul pt "Cea mai stanjenitoare prima intalnire"

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

Ea spunea ca era in plina iarna...ningea si era f tipul a invitat-o la ski in muntii de langa Salt Lake City,Utah. Era o calatorie de o zi (nu ramaneau acolo peste noapte). La urma urmei nu se intalnisera niciodata pana atunci, erau perfect straini unul de altul. S-audistrat f bine fara sa se intample nimic deosebit pana cand au plecat spre casa seara tarziu.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Tocmai coborau de pe munte pe sosea cand ea a inceput treptat sa-si dea seama ca n-ar fitrebuit sa bea acea cafea cu lapte suplimentara. Erau cam la o ora distanta de orice toaleta (in Utah nu se obisnuieste sa faci pipi unde iti vine, sunt toalete special amenajate chiar si in desert, desi acolo din lipsa apei trebuie sa te cam tiide nas cand folosesti toaleta) si in mijlocul pustiului.! Companionul i-a sugerat sa se incerce sa se tina, ceea ce ea a facut pt un timp.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

Din nefericire din cauza ca ningea din greu si de aceea mergeau f incet au ajuns intr-un punct in care ea i-a spus ca ar fi mai bine daca el ar opri si ar lasa-o sa faca pipi langa drum, sau o s-o faca pe scunul din fata.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down, and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

S-au oprit si ea s-a strecurat repede langa masina, si-a dat pantalonii jos si a inceput treaba. Nu se putea tine bine pe picioare in zapada adanca, asa ca s-a sprijinit cu fundul de portbagaj ca sa se sustina. Companionul statea in picioare pe langa masina supraveghind traficul si era intr-adevar un gentleman pt ca s-a infranat sa priveasca pe furis. Tot ce simtea ea era usurare in ciuda situatiei destul de stanjenitoare.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Totusi dupa ce a terminat ea a devenit curand constienta de alta senzatie. Cand s-a aplecat sa-si traga pantalonii tanara a descoperit ca fundul (bucile) ii era lipit ferm de portbagaj. I-au venit in minte imediat ganduri despre limbi lipite de manere de pompa (un mod stupid de a se juca al copiilor americani) in timp ce incerca sa-si desprinda corpul de metalul inghetat. A devenit rapid clar ca avea o problema f importanta de rezolvat din cauza frigului extrem.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

Plina de oroare din cauza necazului prin care trecea dar inca fiind constienta de hazul momentului i-a raspuns intrebarii ingrijorate a celui cu care se intalnise "de ce dureaza atat" cu o replica ce spunea ca intradevar " i-a inghetat fundul si are nevoie de ajutor"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

A ocolit masina in timp ce ea incerca sa se acopere cu puloverul si, in timp ce ea se uita implorator in ochii lui el a izbucnit inras.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

A inceput si ea sa chicoteasca si cand in sfarsit au reusit sa redevina seriosi au inceput sa se gandeasca cum sa rezolve dilema. In mod evident, oricat de isterica era situatia, se confruntau cu o problema reala. Amndoi au cazut de acord ca era nevoie de ceva fierbinte ca sa-si elibereze bucile inghetate din gheara metalului plin de gheata! Gandindu-se ce anume a bagat-o pe ea in incurcatura au realizat iute ca era o singura cale de a o elibera.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

Asa ca, in timp ce ea se uita in alta parte, cel cu care se afla la prima intalnire si-a tras fermoarul si s-a pishat pe fundul ei ca sa se poata desprinde de portbagaj.
This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

Asta da un nou inteles expresiei "ma pish pe..."

2 comentarii:

shakuka spunea...

La multi ani!

Viorica spunea...

Multumesc, la fel si tie, sa ti se intample numai lucruri bune!