Demerit System used by Women

Am mai primit lista de mai jos, dar nu atat de completa, e undeva in arhiva mea de umor. De data am primit-o intr-o newsletter de la: http://www.1funny.com/demerit.shtml


For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties
You make the bed.................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex......-1
When the Kleenex runs out u shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night ........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..............+5
You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10
It's her father.................................................-10


Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party.............................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...................................................-2
Named Tiffany....................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer..............................................-6
Tiffany has implants.............................................-8

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner........................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.........................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night...................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team........................-10

Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely..............................-20
You forget your anniversary.....................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station....................-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey..................................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.....................-60

A Night Out
With The BoysGo out with a pal ...............................................-5
And the pal is happily married ..................................-4
Or frighteningly single .........................................-7
And he drives a Mustang.........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..................-15
You have a few beers.............................................-9
And miss curfew by an hour......................................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call..................-20
You get home at 3 am............................................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ........-40

Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend fromwork.............................................................+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late.......................................................+10
You wait up.....................................................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed.............................................................+20

A Night Out
You take her to a movie..........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ................................+6
You take her to a movie you like.................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3...........................................-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ..........-15

Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected...................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it .....+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself .......+30
And she contracts Lyme disease..................................-25

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...........................................-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too".........-800

Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical................-5
Something she can't use.........................................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane..............................-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday..................-40

Driving
You lost the directions on a trip................................-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost.................-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ..................-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal........................................................-25
You know them...................................................-60

The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?" ......................................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)You hesitate in responding......................................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................................-35

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displayingwhat looks like a concerned expression............................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20