duminică, 14 iunie 2009


Tot din Jolly Good Jokes, dar de data asta n-am sa le traduc. Scuze pt necunoscatorii de engleza

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

.Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. (Asta-i pt Dani Otil)

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better. (Pt amatorii de convorbiri pe mobil la volan)

Thank You for Pot Smoking. (Pt EBA)

To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.

If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And SeekCounseling.

Impotence: Nature's Way of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

The Earth Is Full --- Go Home.

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha. (Asta-i pt mine)

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

So Many Pedestrians --- So Little Time. (Ca sa-i calce?)

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? (Pt cei care sustin neprezentarea la vot)

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name. (Oh, Alzheimer)

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. (Pt cei cu siluete perfecte)

Illiterate? Write For Help.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. (Lanes=benzi de circulatie)

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?

It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off.[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest].

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.

Fight Crime --- Shoot Back!

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.[Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]

Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge.[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba theHut?

Necrophilia --- That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Cat --- The Other White Meat.

Caution --- Driver Legally Blonde!

Don't Be Sexist --- Broads Hate That.

Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

Si acum una arhicunoscuta, o copiez pt ca imi face intotdeauna placere cand o citesc:

The Real Woman's Way is practical and the best ...

1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips.

The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for goodness sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the drycake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Woman's Way
Spar sells cakes. They even do decorated versions.

4. Nigella's WayI
f you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough! Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how it tastes."

5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.The throbbing will go away.

The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it into 8 ounces of vodka : Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!

7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

8. Nigella's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles.

The Real Woman's Way
Left over wine???? Helllloooo!

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