Cica toate sunt strict autentice

Am primit pe email (mersi, Suzeta):

Cele ce urmeaza au fost extrase dintr - o carte numita "Disorder in the American Courts" si sunt lucruri REALE(!) spuse in timpul proceselor, publicate apoi de reporteri specializati in relatarea proceselor : 
 

AVOCATUL : Aceasta astenie grava va afecteaza memoria ? 

MARTORUL : Da 

AVOCATUL : In ce fel va afecteaza memoria ? 

MARTORUL : Uit 

AVOCATUL : Uitati ? Ne puteti da un exemplu de ceva pe care l - ati uitat ? 

.............. 
AVOCATUL : Doctore, e adevarat ca daca o persoana moare in somn, el nu - si va da seama de treaba asta pana a doua zi dimineata ? 

MARTORUL : E adevarat ca dumneata chiar ai trecut examenul de barou ? 

............... 
AVOCATUL : Fiul cel tanar, cel de douazeci de ani, ce varsta are ? 

MARTORUL : Are 20 , cam ca si IQ - ul dumneavoastra 

.................. 
AVOCATUL : Erati de faţă cand v-a fotografiat ? 

MARTORUL : Glumiti ? 

............... 
AVOCATUL : Deci data conceperii (bebelusului) a fost 8 August? 

MARTORUL : Da 

AVOCATUL : Si ce faceati dumneavoastra atunci ? 

MARTORUL : Cam ce credeti ca faceam ? 

................. 
AVOCATUL : Ea avea trei copii, asa e ? 

MARTORUL : Da 

AVOCATUL : Cati din ei erau baieti ? 

MARTORUL : Niciunul 

AVOCATUL : Era vreunul din copii fata ? 

MARTORUL : Onorata  Curte, cred ca am nevoie de un alt avocat. Pot sa - mi iau un alt avocat ? 

................. 
AVOCATUL : Cum s-a incheiat primul dumneavoastra mariaj ? 

MARTORUL : Prin moarte 

AVOCATUL : Si prin moartea cui s-a incheiat ? 

MARTORUL : Incercati sa ghiciti ! 

.................. 
AVOCATUL : Puteti descrie individul ? 

MARTORUL : Cam de inaltime medie si purta barba. 

AVOCATUL : Era barbat sau femeie ? 

MARTORUL : In afara de cazul in care era vreun Circ in oras, as merge pe varianta barbat. 

.................... 
AVOCATUL : Doctore, cate din autopsiile pe care le-ai facut au fost pe oameni morti ? 

MARTORUL : Toate. Cei inca vii se zbat prea mult ! 

................... 
AVOCATUL : Va amintiti la ce ora ati examinat trupul ? 

MARTORUL : Autopsia a inceput la ora 8.30 p.m. 

AVOCATUL : Si D-nul Denton era mort in acel moment ? 

MARTORUL : Daca nu, in mod sigur a fost pana am terminat autopsia ! 

.................. 
AVOCATUL : Esti calificat sa dai o mostra de urina ? 

MARTORUL : Dar dumneata chiar esti calificat sa pui intrebari ?? 

................... 
Si . cireasa de pe tort !!! 

AVOCATUL : Doctore, inainte sa faci autopsia, ai cautat sa vezi daca mai avea puls ? 

MARTORUL : Nu 

AVOCATUL : Ai controlat tensiunea ? 

MARTORUL : Nu 

AVOCATUL : Ai verificat daca mai respira? 

MARTORUL : Nu 

AVOCATUL : Deci e posibil ca pacientul sa fi fost inca viu atunci cand ai inceput autopsia ? 

MARTORUL : Nu 

AVOCATUL : Cum poti fi sigur Doctore ? 

MARTORUL : Pentru ca creierul lui statea pe o tavita pe biroul meu 

AVOCATUL : Inteleg, dar nu s-ar fi putut totusi ca pacientul sa fie viu, in ciuda acestui lucru ? 

MARTORUL : Ba da, e posibil sa fi fost viu si sa practice avocatura !

Iata si varianta "originala", (nu sunt sigura ca apar exact asa in carte, dar puteti sa va lamuriti daca o comandati la Amazon titlul complet fiind: Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History --Author--Charles M. Sevilla). Dupa cum vedeti, traducatorul a simtit nevoia sa mai imbunateasca replicile, si bine a facut.

hese are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm as these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there..
_________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
 ______________________________________

 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
 _____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
 ______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people..
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
_____________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
 

Descrierea cartii de pe Amazon arata asa:

In America's courtooms, the verdict is laughter.
Sit back and enjoy a collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice, where defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, collide to produce memorably insane comedy. The Court: "The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant, sir?" Defendant: "No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens."

In judecatoriile americane, verdictul e un hohot de ras.

Stati jos si bucurati-va de o colectie de schimburi verbale din salile se judecatam unde acuzatii si acuzatorii, avocatii si martorii, juratii si judecatorii se infrunta pt a produce momente de comedie aiuritoare. Judecatorul: "Acuzatia este furtul de pui congelati. Domnule, sunteti acuzatul?" Acuzatul: "Nu, domnule, eu sunt ala care a furat puii".