When I started loving myself = Cand am inceput sa ma iubesc

Imi cer scuze pt cititorii mei de limba romana, dar acest articol imi va folosi pt ceea ce a fost prima destinatie a acestui blog, un aide-memoire. Am sa copiez aici niste texte pe care le-am cautat si le-am gasit pornind de la o postare a bunei mele prietene de pe fb, Guadalupe Cardenas, ca o ilustrare a unei imagini. Pentru ca textele ce vor urma sunt lungi si ar cere un mare efort pt traducerea in romana le public asa cum le-am gasit.

Las introducerea asa cum e...Intre timp am gasit traducerea in romana a acestui text, pe care o voi publica insa dupa textul in limbe engleza, pt ca asa este ordinea in care mi le-a adus pe calculator cercetarea mea, si pt ca asa mi se pare corect.

La insoportable levedad del ser
Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Yo entiendo lo vergonzoso que alguien quiere imponer mis deseos,
sabiendo que el tiempo no estaba maduro, y la persona no estaba preparada,
incluso si esa persona era yo.
Hoy sé que esto se llama "respeto"

...
Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Dejé de querer otra vida y me di cuenta
que todo a mi alrededor es una invitación a crecer.
Hoy sé que esto se llama "madurez".

Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Me pasó a ser siempre y en todo momento en el lugar correcto en el momento adecuado
y que pase lo que pase está bien.
Desde entonces, yo podía sentir cómodo.
Hoy sé que esto se llama "estar en paz con ellos mismos".

Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Me detuve para privarme de mi tiempo libre
y de concebir grandes planes para el futuro.
Hoy en día yo sólo hago lo que me da alegría y diversión,
lo que me gusta y que me hace reír a mi manera y mi ritmo.
Hoy sé que esto se llama "sinceridad".

Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Me deshice de todo lo que hice bien:
personas, cosas, situaciones
y todo lo que me estaba tirando hacia abajo cuando me dejó;
Su nombre original era "egoísmo sano"
pero hoy sé que esto es "amor de sí mismo."

Cuando me empezó a amar de verdad
Dejé de querer tener la razón.
Y por lo que cometieron menos errores.
Hoy me di cuenta de que esto se llama "la simplicidad".

Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Yo me negué a vivir en el pasado y preocuparme por mi futuro.
Ahora vivo más en el momento presente, donde todo tiene su lugar.
Es s el camino de la vida cotidiana y lo llamo la "perfección".

Cuando me empiezo a amar de verdad
Me di cuenta de que mis pensamientos me puede hacer miserable y enfermo.
Pero cuando me llamó a la fuerza de mi corazón,
el intelecto se ha convertido en un socio importante.
Hoy en día en esta unión da el nombre de "sabiduría interior".

No debe continuar el miedo a la oposición,
conflictos y problemas con nosotros mismos y con los demás
ya que incluso las estrellas a veces chocan entre sí
la creación de nuevos mundos.

Hoy sé que esta es la vida. (Charlie Chaplin)

Nu mi-a fost greu sa gasesc textul in engleza:

When I started loving myself
I understood that I’m always and at any given opportunity
in the right place at the right time.
And I

understood that all that happens is right –
from then on I could be calm.
Today I know: It’s called TRUST.

When I started to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
When I tried to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time is not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I know: It’s called LETTING GO (In alta versiune se cheama RESPECT)

When I started loving myself
I could recognize that emotional pain and grief
are just warnings for me to not live against my own truth.
Today I know: It’s called AUTHENTICALLY BEING.

When I started loving myself
I stopped longing for another life
and could see that everything around me was a request to grow.
Today I know: It’s called MATURITY.

When I started loving myself
I stopped depriving myself of my free time
and stopped sketching further magnificent projects for the future.
Today I only do what’s fun and joy for me,
what I love and what makes my heart laugh,
in my own way and in my tempo.
Today I know: it’s called HONESTY.

When I started loving myself
I escaped from all what wasn’t healthy for me,
from dishes, people, things, situations
and from everyhting pulling me down and away from myself.
In the beginning I called it the “healthy egoism”,
but today I know: it’s called SELF-LOVE.

When I started loving myself
I stopped wanting to be always right
thus I’ve been less wrong.
Today I’ve recognized: it’s called HUMBLENESS.

When I started loving myself
I refused to live further in the past
and worry about my future.
Now I live only at this moment where EVERYTHING takes place,
like this I live every day and I call it CONSCIOUSNESS.

When I started loving myself
I recognized, that my thinking
can make me miserable and sick.
When I requested for my heart forces,
my mind got an important partner.
Today I call this connection HEART WISDOM.

We do not need to fear further discussions,
conflicts and problems with ourselves and others
since even stars sometimes bang on each other
and create new worlds.
Today I know: THIS IS LIFE!

Iata acum si textul in romana:

In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am inteles ca in toate imprejurarile, ma aflam la locul potrivit, in momentul potrivit.
Si atunci, am putut sa ma linistesc.
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Stima de sine.

 
In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am realizat ca nelinistea si suferinta mea emotionala, nu erau nimic altceva decat semnalul ca merg impotriva convingerilor mele.
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Autenticitate

In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am incetat sa doresc o viata diferita si am inceput sa inteleg ca tot ceea ce mi se intampla, contribuie la dezvoltarea mea personala.
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Maturitate.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am inceput sa realizez ca este o greseala sa fortez o situatie sau o persoana, cu singurul scop de a obtine ceea ce doresc, stiind foarte bine ca nici acea persoana, nici eu insumi nu suntem pregatiti si ca nu este momentul …
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Respect.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am inceput sa ma eliberez de tot ceea ce nu era benefic … Persoane, situatii, tot ceea ce imi consuma energia. La inceput, ratiunea mea numea asta egoism.
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Amor propriu.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am incetat sa-mi mai fie teama de timpul liber si am renuntat sa mai fac planuri mari, am abandonat Mega-proiectele de viitor. Astazi fac ceea ce este corect, ceea ce imi place, cand imi place si in ritmul meu.
Astazi, stiu ca aceasta se numeste … Simplitate.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am incetat sa mai caut sa am intotdeauna dreptate şi mi-am dat seama de cat de multe ori m-am inselat.
Astazi, am descoperit … Modestia.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am incetat sa retraiesc trecutul şi sa ma preocup de viitor. Astazi, traiesc prezentul, acolo unde se petrece intreaga viata. Astazi traiesc clipa fiecarei zile.
Si aceasta se numeste … Plenitudine.


In ziua in care m-am iubit cu adevarat, am inteles ca ratiunea ma poate inşela şi dezamagi. Dar daca o pun in slujba inimii mele, ea devine un aliat foarte pretios.
şi toate acestea inseamna … Sa ştii sa traiesti cu adevarat.”

Charlie Chaplin

Incercand sa coroborez cele trei versiuni am observat ca ordinea in care sunt asezate paragrafele este oarecum aleatoare. Nu am fost singura care a inceput sa se intrebe daca intr-adevar autorul este Charlie Chaplin (deja incep sa am o colectie de texte atribuite aiurea unor persoanlitati bine cunoscute, dar care pana la urma se dovedesc a fi fost create de cu totul altcineva) si  asfel am citit cu interes comentariul de mai jos:

My name is Alison McMillen. My mom, Kim McMillen wrote a book called ‘When I Loved Myself Enough”. The text above is very very very very similar to her book, although it looks like much has been modified in translation. I have seen reference to a poem by Charlie Chaplin and have no idea where the link has come from but I feel very certain that the above poem is a translated version of my mom’s work.

Va dati seama ca pasul urmator a fost sa vad daca acea carte exista cu adevarat. Nu numai ca exista, dar numita Alison McMillen are un blog pe care a publicat textul care crede ea ca a stat la baza compilatiei atribuite lui Charlie Chaplin:

Dar inainte de a copia din AMM am vazut ca dragtul de Google deja are raspuns la dilema mea:  "As I began to love myself" don't belongs to Chaplin!

There is a text on the web attributed to Chaplin, its name is "As I began to love myself", but I know this text don't belongs to Chaplin, and I will tell you the real origin of this text.
In sep 18, 2007, I started a research on this text attributed to Chaplin
in Brazilian sites and I discovered this:
-In 2001, Kim & Alison McMillen published the book "When I loved myself enough" (You can see the book in this site: Amazon.com, you can read some pages online)
-In 2003, Iva Sofia G Lima (Brazilian) translated this book into "Quando me amei de verdade", (Editora Sextante), with the correct credits.
-The text "Quando me amei de verdade" started to be attributed to Chaplin by Brazilian or Portuguese speakers "Chaplin fans", on their blogs, orkut profiles, orkut communities, and other web services, moreover, it started to be modified by the fans. I suspect this occurs with the Spanish (speakers) fans too.
-The text "Quando me amei de verdade" was translated again into english (Yes! translation of the translation!) by Brazilian "Chaplin fans" with the new title "As I began to love myself"
Conclusion: "As I began to love myself" don't belongs to Chaplin and the real title of the text is "When I loved myself enough" and it belongs to Kim & Alison McMillen, and it was modified too, and now we can see the text "As I began to love myself" very different from the original!
You can see my researches in this link:
http://comoutrosolhos.multiply.com/journal/item/59 (Portuguese-BR),
sep, 18 2007
I don't like when the Brazilian fans (or others) attribute to Chaplin a text that don't belongs to him and I still very angry/sad about this.
If you are a Chaplin lover of USA or UK, you must know that there are many texts misattributed to Chaplin and this texts are, in many cases, Portuguese texts translated to English.

Interesant e ca primul comentariu la cele de mai sus apartine unui roman, numit Viorell, nu il mai copiez... mai ales ca raspunsul numitei Miriam e f amplu. Ea explica pe larg cum a ajuns la concluzia ca textul e un "fake" prin traduceri si retroversiuni. Ehei, numai eu stiu cat ma muncit sa gasesc, folosind cunostintele mele de engleza si spaniola, autorul unui articol care circula ca anonim, inclusiv in romana, dar care de fapt a fost scris de un profesor venezuelan, e vorba de Amela. Cred ca o sa ma intelegeti de ce nu am mai cautat textul in portugheza, oricum nu cunosc limba asta.

Fals, fals, textul atribuit lui Chaplin, dar inca nu am "muls totul din el, pt ca cineva incearca sa ii explice sensurile in cele ce urmeaza:

The Wisdom of the Heart
Chaplin’s self love poem points us to listening to the heart, instead of merely paying attention to the voice of the ego. The ego’s emotions are not the same as the true feelings of the heart. The ego acts out of fear-consciousness, putting us through a parody of madness.

The heart is love conscious. It allows us to heal, repair and rejuvenate. Only with an open heart, can love come in.

Nonetheless, it is important to recognize that the ego has its purpose. It wishes to keep us protected and safe in this world. We cannot also get rid of the ego. Hence, we need to learn to work with it.
The best way forward is to meet the heart with the mind. Chaplin calls it aligning with the “Wisdom of the Heart”. It’s when life becomes full. It’s when magic happens!!

From the poem, it would appear that Chaplin had truly lived into self-love. He passed away at age 88. But not without being known as one of the most creative and influential personalities of the silent-film era. He was also the composer for the song, Smile, a personal favorite of Michael Jackson.

Acum eu inclin sa ii dau dreptate lui Miriam si pt ca poemul circula cu doua versiuni: When I started to love myself si When I began to love myself...sigur ca sensul e identic, dar cum naiba ar fi putut Chaplin sa se balbaie in asemenea hal incat sa nu stie exact ce cuvant sa foloseasca, fie chiar si la 70 de ani?

Hai sa nu va mai fierb si sa copiez si textul care SIGUR e scris de Kim Mcmillen...si care se gaseste in cartea scrisa de ea:

When I loved myself enough...

When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little.

When I loved myself enough I came to know my own goodness.

When I loved myself enough I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.

When I loved myself enough I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.

When I loved myself enough I felt compelled to slow down way down. And that has made all the difference.

When I loved myself enough I bought a feather bed.

When I loved myself enough I came to love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.

When I loved myself enough I came to see I am not special but I am unique.

When I loved myself enough I redefined success and life became simple. Oh, the pleasure of that.

When I loved myself enough I came to know I am worthy of knowing God directly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see I didn't have to chase after life. If I am quiet and hold still, life comes to me.

When I loved myself enough I gave up the belief that life is hard.

When I loved myself enough I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.

When I loved myself enough I let the tomboy in me swing off the rope in Jackass Canyon. Yes!

When I loved myself enough I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish.

When I loved myself enough the parts of me long-ignored, the orphans of my soul, quit vying for attention. That was the beginning of inner peace. Then I began seeing clearly.

When I loved myself enough I began to see that desires of the heart do come, and I grew more patient and calm, except when I forgot.

When I loved myself enough I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.

When I loved myself enough I started feeling all my feelings, not analysing them really feeling them. When I do, something amazing happens. Try it. You will see.

When I loved myself enough my heart became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally.

When I loved myself enough I started meditating every day. This is a profound act of self-love.

When I loved myself enough I came to feel like a gift to the world and I collected beautiful ribbons and bows. They still hang on my wall to remind me.

When I loved myself enough I learned to ask 'Who in me is feeling this way?' when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad. If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.

When I loved myself enough I no longer needed things or people to make me feel safe.

called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.

When I loved myself enough I gave up perfectionism that killer of joy.

When I loved myself enough I could tell the-truth about my gifts and my limitations.

When I loved myself enough I quit answering the telephone when I don't want to talk.

When I loved myself enough forgiving others became irrelevant.

When I loved myself enough I could remember, during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love.

When I loved myself enough I could allow my heart to burst wide open and take in the pain of the world.

When I loved myself enough I started picking up litter on the street.

When I loved myself enough I could feel God in me and see God in you. That makes us divine! Are you ready for that?

When I loved myself enough I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsibility.

When I loved myself enough I began to see my purpose and gently wean myself from distractions.

When I loved myself enough I saw that what I resisted persisted like a small child tugging my skirt. Now I am curious and gentle when resistance comes tugging.

When I loved myself enough I learned to stop what I am doing, if even for a moment, and comfort the part of me that is scared.

When I loved myself enough I learned to say no when I want to and yes when I want to.

When I loved myself enough I saw beyond right and wrong and became neutral. At first I thought this was indifference; now I see the clarity that comes with neutrality.

When I loved myself enough I began to feed my hunger for solitude and revel in the inexplicable contentment that is its companion.

When I loved myself enough I could see how funny life is, how funny I am and how funny you are.

When I loved myself enough I recognised my courage and fear, my naivety and wisdom, and I make a place for each at my table.

When I loved myself enough I started treating myself to a massage at least once a month.

When I loved myself enough I realised I am never alone.

When I loved myself enough I stopped fearing empty time and quit making plans. Now I do what feels right and am in step with my own rhythms. Delicious!

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to impress my brother.

When I loved myself enough I stopped trying to banish the critical voices from my head. Now I say, Thankyou for your views' and they feel heard. End of discussion.

When I loved myself enough I let the part of me that still misses Kent feel sad instead of trying to stop her from loving him.

When I loved myself enough I began buying a hostess fruit pie for the teenager in me who loves them so. Once in a while, cherry.

When I loved myself enough I quit trying to be a saviour for others.

When I loved myself enough I lost my fear of speaking my truth for I have come to see how good it is.

When I loved myself enough I began pouring my feelings into my journals. These loving companions speak my language. No translation needed.

When I loved myself enough I stopped seeking 'experts' and started living my life.

When I loved myself enough I came to see how my anger teaches about responsibility and my arrogance teaches about humility, so I listen to both carefully.

When I loved myself enough I started eating organically grown food (except for those occasional fruit pies of course).

When I loved myself enough I could be at ease with the comings and goings of judgement and despair.

When I loved myself enough I was able to be treated to a $50 haircut and enjoy every minute of it.

When I loved myself enough I quit having to be right which makes being wrong meaningless.

When I loved myself enough I learned to grieve for the hurts in life when they happen instead of making my heart heavy from lugging them around.

When I loved myself enough I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn’t good enough.

When I loved myself enough things got real quite inside. Real nice.

When I loved myself enough I began listening to the wisdom of my body. It speaks so clearly through its fatigue, sensitivities, aversions and hungers.

When I loved myself enough I quit fearing my fear.

When I loved myself enough I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future – which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.

When I loved myself enough I realized my mind can torment and deceive me, but in the service of my heart it is a great and noble ally.

When I loved myself enough I began to taste freedom.

When I loved myself enough I found my voice and wrote this little book.

Traducerea in romana o puteti vedea in ppsul acesta (pe care am vrut sa il instalez, dar necesita Java Console, pe care am desactivat-o la cererea Firefoxului, intrebandu-ma la ce o fi folosind, iata ca acum am aflat si raspunsul), sau puteti sa il descarcati ca sa il vedeti in tihna pe computerul vostru. Nu ma intrebati daca este conform cu originalul, pentru ca nu am avut rabdare sa le compar.

In schimb am gasit introducerea si o completare la textul in engleza al lui Kim McMillen, scrise de fiica sa, Alison.

When I loved myself enough

by Kim McMillen
It begins with the following introduction

For many years I lived with a guarded heart. 1 did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself. In my fortieth year that began changing.

As I grew to love all of who I am, life started changing in beautiful and mysterious ways. My heart softened and I began to see through very different eyes.

My commitment to follow this calling grew strong and in the process a divine intelligence came to guide my life. I believe this ever present resource is grace, and is available to us all.

For the past twelve years I have been leming to recognise and accept this gift. Cultivating love and compassion for myself made it possible.

The following steps are uniquely mine. Yours will look different. But I do hope mine give voice to a hunger you may share.

Kim McMillen
............................................................
About the author
By Alison McMillen, January 2001
My mother died in September of 1996, at the age of 52, only a few short months after writing this book. She was not ill and did not know that she was going to die. Her death was very sudden and it deeply shocked everyone who knew her. It has been very difficult for me, as well as her friends and family, to cope with live without her. She died too young, and I am aware of her absence every waking moment.
One thing that has made grieving for her more tolerable has been this book. Following her lead, I continued to publish it out of my home. It has been extremely rewarding work. I have received countless letters and phone calls from people all over the world who have been touched by the wisdom of my mom’s words. They tell me that they feel as though, through the book, they have come to know Kim McMillen. I could not agree more.

This book is my mother. Its message is hat she spent years mediating on, reading and writing about, and experiencing. It is everything she believed in, and everything she brought me up to believe in. it is her autobiography, her declaration, her soul.

Even though she didn’t know she was nearing the end of her life, she knew on some level that she had to express the things that she had learned to be true. After many years filled with self-doubt and self-criticism, she decided to devote herself to finding self-compassion. When she did, and was able to write her findings down for others to read, her life was complete, and sadly cam to and end.

I have a constant ache in my heart, a longing to see hear again in this world. She was an amazing mother, friend, writer, business consultant, chaplain, river runner, dog lover, neighbor and woman. Although I miss her terrible, I am comforted by the knowledge that, as this book is the truest expression of who my mom was, in its continued existence, what she had to offer to the world will live on.